The Hard and the Good

Today was a hard day.  A difficult day.  A day that started with tears and ended with tears.  It had hope and joy and smiles in the middle of it though.

In December we had taken a sweet doggy named Cassie into our home.  She had been found at a shelter by my sister in law, Shonna, when she was just a pup.  When she moved to a place that couldn't take dogs, my brother in law took her.  Then she hung out at my parents in laws.  (is that even a real phrase?  Who knows, but I'm using it any way)  Chris' dad just loved taking her with him all over town.   She was his constant companion.  Then he passed away two and a half years ago, leaving my sweet mother in law to take care of Cassie.

Cassie had arthritis and had a condition that made her pee every hour or so.  Cassie was in a lot of pain and they tried every thing to help her.  She came to our house in December so that she could have a warm place to sleep and a doggy door to the backyard to allow her to pee when she needed to.  We knew that we were bringing her to our home to give her a place to die.  We knew it was coming.  And we were hoping it would be a long way off.

Little by little she has been deteriorating.  A few weeks ago she had a seizure and we found out she was severely anemic and probably had cancer.  We held onto hope and tried to make her feel better.  Yesterday after seeing that she was ready to go, we made the decision.

Shonna met Hannah and I this morning to head to the vet with Cassie.  We were all sobbing.  Cassie just sat there staring at us with her beautiful brown doggy eyes.  It was one of the hardest things that I have ever had to do.  We left her with the vet and headed home.  There was tears down every cheek.  Then between sobs Hannah pipes up with, "Can we go out to ice cream today?"  We started smiling and laughing.    I love how children make us look at the bright side.  She knew just what was needed to make us feel better.

The rest of the day was good.  I spent the day with Hannah and we just celebrated life.  After a few things I had to get done, we spent some precious moments painting toes and fingers.  I loved seeing her carefully try to paint her own toe nails, finger nails and my fingers.  She was just delighted picking out the colors and the fun stickers to decorate our nails with.

We had a wonderful lunch together and then headed out to Screamin' Mimi's.  We both got double scoops of hand made ice cream and I even got a bowl for Bekah.  We sat out side in the sun.  Each of us kicked off our flip flops and enjoyed our ice cream with the warmth of the sun on our feet.  Hannah sat on a bench across from me and we made silly faces at each other and giggled.  It was what our hearts needed at that moment.  There were beautiful pink flowers growing on either side of the door with a purple chair next to each.  God was giving us grace and beauty when we needed it the most.  At the car there were more beautiful flowers that made me smile.  I took pictures to remember that moment.

After Bekah got home from school, she had her ice cream and then we painted her nails too.  I loved each moment with the girls next to me and sitting on my lap.  The sun was lighting up their hair and the breeze was blowing it in wisps around their sweet faces.  I am so thankful for this time with my children.

After bath time, Bekah had a melt down. . . crying just because.  Most likely she is grieving our sweet Cassie.  She cried for days and weeks for Bailey and we had to put her down only eight months ago.  I held her as she cried and sang to her the song, Baby Mine.  That always makes her feel better.  Then the girls lay down and I read to them from, The Star of Light.  This was one of my favorite books as a child.  Then I tucked them in and kissed them good night.  I love the sweet smell of freshly washed little girls.  They make me smile and laugh.

 God allows things that are hard and difficult into our lives.  He also gives us beauty and good things.  We need to be thankful for the good and the hard.  Today, I experienced both.

Mom's Pamper Day in Kindergarten

I had such a delightful afternoon with my sweet kindergartener.  The children had a whole afternoon of pampering lined up for the moms.  I got there early and played on the playground with the kids.  All the boys were showing off for me and kept calling, "Mrs. Kuhner!  Mrs. Kuhner!  Look at me!"  Bekah played on the monkey bars and rubbed a huge chunk of skin off of her hand.  We got a band-aid and some ice for her and she was ready to go.

All the sweet presents lined up for the mommies.  They made us each a jar of sugar scrub and a flower that says, "I love you, Mommy!"  Wow do I like Mother's Day!!

This was the massage chair for the mommies.

All the kids decorated the tables with pictures for mom.  This is the one Bekah drew for me.  She knows that I love Christmas trees.  

This brought a smile to my face!

Mrs. Fletcher was telling us about each pamper station when in walked her son.  One of the mom's found him on facebook and asked him to come pamper his mom.  I was almost in tears.  It was so sweet  to see him come to honor her.

The kids first sang, "Skinamarinkidinkido."  They were darling!

Bekah wanted to paint my toes and fingers.  Since her right hand was hurting, she did all the painting with her left hand.  She did a fantastic job and loved every minute of it.

Then we moved to the massage station where she used a fire truck to massage my legs for 10 seconds.    We will have to work on her endurance.  :o)

Then I got some precious gifts from my girl.

Snack time was next.  I think this was Bekah's favorite station.  She sat on my lap and snuggled with me while we ate a snack.

She made me a bracelet too.

Then spent some time at the relaxation station.  Bekah gently placed cucumbers on my eyes, took them off after 2 seconds, dropped them and then put them back on for a picture.  So funny!  Then she put a lovely mist of body splash on me.  And then another one.  And another one.  And finally a fourth.  I smelled really good.   It was so fun seeing her enjoy pampering me.

After doing a sugar scrub and lotion on our hands, we headed back to the manicure station.

She had fun adding a bunch of different  colors to my pretty toes and fingernails.

This is the end result.  I bet you all are jealous of my beautiful nails.  

Each moment with my girls is a gift.  Days like this are so precious to me.  I love every little thing that they do to show their love to me.  I will treasure up each moment knowing that they will be grown up all too soon.  

All the mom's agreed that we could handle being pampered by our kids every week.   Not sure if Mrs. Fletcher could fit it into the curriculum, but we can at least ask.  

Biopsy at UCSF

As many of you know, Hannah has not been feeling good for quite some time.  Her tummy hurts just about every day and mostly all day long. 

 We have done blood tests. 

 They have all been negative.  

We have taken her off dairy and off of wheat.  It seems to be a bit better, but her tummy still hurts. 

 So we went to see a specialist at UCSF.  He is one of the best on the west coast. 

 We put her back on wheat so that we could get a biopsy done for Celiac disease.  A biopsy is one of the only definitive tests since it looks directly at the lining of the intestine.  One with Celiac disease has damage to the intestine from the wheat.  It actually destroys the cilia which absorbs nutrients.  They were also going to look for signs of a dairy allergy.

So Hannah and I were up and ready to go early on Tuesday for her biopsy at UCSF.  She was all dressed up in her cute outfit that Nana Laurie had gotten her the day before.

We had to be there by 10am.  Her procedure time was noon.  So we left by 7:30am just to make sure we were there in good time.  We arrived in San Francisco at 8:30 and so went to Golden Gate Park for a little while.  It was fun to walk around the lake and climb all over the trees.   Anything to take Hannah's mind off her hungry tummy and what was coming.

Hannah found a squirrel that she was watching.

Every one at UCSF was so awesome.  They were patient with Hannah when she was scared.  She loved the fun craft that they had prepared.   She colored while I read to her.  Then she watched Beauty and the Beast.  The procedure was later than we had expected and she wasn't taken up to preop until a little before 1.

My little one is very nervous in unfamiliar situations.  She didn't want to take off her cute outfit or put on the hat, gown and socks.  It took some convincing, but then she did it.  After seeing how upset Hannah was at the thought of not having me hold her, they let me go with her to the OR.  I was so glad that they put her to sleep before starting the IV or anything else.  It took only 3 good cries with the mask on her face to help her go to sleep.  They took over and I got to go eat.

I love this picture.  She is so cute!!

I was so thankful that they allowed me to be by her side as soon as she was in recovery.  We allowed her to wake up on her own.  This is my little one sound asleep after all was over.  I held her as she coughed and cried and kicked.  (she didn't wake up easily from the sedation)  I held her for an hour and she ate purple popsicles.  They had put on Sponge Bob for her.  We don't allow that show in our house.  Even though her throat hurt and she was really out of it she said, "I'm not allowed to watch that."  We turned it off and put on Beauty and the Beast.  Once she was awake and calm, it was time to take out the IV and get dressed.  She didn't want the IV out since we would have to take the tape off.  After another little struggle, it was out and she was dressed and ready to go.  At the elevator she looked at me and said, "I don't want to come back here ever again!!!"  I don't blame her.

We had to wait until the following Monday to hear from the doctor.

So I waited all day Monday for a call.  Then waited most of Tuesday.  The doctor called around 7.  He never got the latest lab results drawn here in Santa Rosa.  I'm going to call them tomorrow to get them to send the results to him ASAP.  All the biopsy's they did on Hannah are normal.  She does not have Celiac disease or any problems with dairy.  That is good.  Two things ruled out.  

  He is recommending another test to look at her entire intestine, not just the top and bottom.  She would need to be sedated, since she will not lay still for the test. The youngest kids they can coach to lay still are very cooperative 5 year olds.  She is not one of those kids.   I think it is a kind of MRI.  I didn't recognize the name of the test.  Anyway we'll schedule that once he sees the lab tests.  So that is where we stand for now.

Thank-you for all the prayers for my little girl.  I take such comfort in knowing that God is in control and He has her in His hands.  I don't need to worry about her.  Just be there for her and get what answers I can to help her.

GF Cinnamon Rolls

I love spending time with my little girl.  After dropping Bekah off at school, we decided to have a snack and make some cinnamon rolls.  She was so cute as she tried to spread the cream cheese all by herself. 

Hot cocoa is always a part of our snack too.  

Now off to start the cinnamon rolls.  Hannah loves to help.  She is always the first to jump in and help with anything.  Hannah is so good at stirring ingredients together, turning on the mixer, measuring and pouring ingredients and licking anything she can get in her mouth.

I made these Cinnamon Rolls for my family.  I added a step that my mom always did when making her cinnamon rolls. She would put the pans on the stove and heat them on low with 2 Tablespoons butter and a 1/4 cup of brown sugar. Once the butter melts, turn off the burner and prep the cinnamon rolls. Then place the rolls in the pan. The bottom caramelizes and is amazing.

Hannah helped stir the butter while it was melting.  This is definitely the best part of the whole sweet roll.

The dough took a long time to rise.  However, once it was risen, it rolled out very nicely.  I was surprised since GF dough is normally really fragile.  It held together well and made great cinnamon rolls.  Hannah had a blast learning how to roll out the dough.  She did a pretty good job too!

The butter was really hard since it had just come out of the freeze a few hours before.  I did a trick that I saw on Pinterest for getting butter soft.  They said to grate the butter into a bowl and then use it.  It totally worked.  Here Hannah is spreading the grated butter on the dough.  I found out later that she thought it was grated cheese we were putting in the cinnamon rolls.  She sure makes me laugh.

Hannah put the sugar on all by herself.  She also tried to sprinkle on the cinnamon.  She kind of dumped a bunch in one spot, so I helped spread it out evenly.  I love having helpers.

I split this recipe in half and made two pans of eight.  It was perfect.

Love this girl.

  All ready to let the rolls rise.

We had these for dinner!  They were delicious and were all gone within a short period of time.